Sad ass

I am not going to lie, I am feeling pretty shitty.  Today is Washers birthday... So yeah, I am a big sad ass.

It has been little over 3 months sense he died, 3 months of waking up every morning looking for him, worry about him, still look for his fluffy tail in the trees in the yard. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't have the sudden urge to rush home to walk him, feed him, love him.  It has been hard and today is going to be really tough one.

Every year we would take the pup for a long ass hike, let him run free, get dirty, swim, chew up all the biggest sticks, whatever he wanted. He would get a new toy, a new box of dog treats, usually an apple or sweet potato and all the attention that he could possibly want. We loved celebrating his birthday because it was all about him but also just one long day of dirty fun outdoors for all of us. No matter what we had going on, or what the weather, we were in the woods.

Now I don't know what to do with myself today. I still kinda want to run to the woods, spend the day outside getting dirty, crying my eyes out. I also kinda just want to hide in a hole and just be all miserable. I know Washer would want the woods, but it just feels all wrong without him. Blah.. This sucks ass.

Sorry for not having the happiest of posts, just need to feel the feels, miss my dog, and be a big sad blob today.

So to the best dog there ever was.. Happy Birthday Washer.  Miss you like crazy all the freaking time. I'll try to walk some woods for you today. Love you.

Sunday Happy

Hey hey hey.

Crazy freaking past month. I still feel like half of my person is gone and am still trudging through each day feeling the loss of Washer, but things are getting better, just still really sad and miss my pup like crazy. Trick is to stay super busy and that is what I have been doing. For one, we started back at the house again and have thrown ourselves into work. We are determined to get this freaking house done before the end of fall so we have been busting away all the days long. Things are getting done and now all the sheet rock is all up and the mr just finished the tape coat of mud.... Its all roses from here. 

For another thing, there is so much family stuff lately and to be soon. A new baby just came , little miss Kayla (I keep calling her Keba), We had a family reunion, minus a few family member last week. I have lots of littles wanting attention before school starts again and oh,  my little brother is getting shipped of to military school this week, (an actual military college that he actually wants to go too). Add another baby due in a month and the fact that fall is coming on fast and that means only one thing .. Family birthday season has arrived. Well that and apples. But no joke, pretty much a birthday a week for the next 9 months.  I already have about 7 cake requests. It's about to get real around here.

As for cooking, well when Washer died, I pretty much stopped living for a week, but then when I started cooking again, I went through a week of making breads for the mr. (bread is very soothing to make, I think it's all the kneading) And then it got so super duper hella hot out that we have pretty much given up on preparing food and are just eating straight up cucumbers, zucchinis, and tomatoes, sometimes dipped inn mustard and hummus, by the bucketful. I think I am averaging about 3 cucumbers and 5 tomatoes a day. And now I am starting to get a bit of acid reflux. Hopefully this week won't be quite as crazy or quite as hot and I will have a little bit more time do some actual cooking, maybe some canning ( so many tomatoes!) and maybe share a recipe or 2.Lots of maybes here... we shall see.

Anyway, it is Sunday Sunday. The mr and I are leaving the house early and going for a little car, coffee, and maybe river adventure and are picking up a cast iron claw foot tub for the bathroom on the way. Wish us luck!

Internet stuff from the past week that might be of some interest to you.

-I am feeling the itch pretty hard. THIS COUPLE QUIT THEIR JOBS AND DROVE A VW VAN TO ARGENTINA...So this could be us soon?!

-If we decide to make hard cider again, a cider press is a must cause blending and squeezing 100 lbs of apple through cheesecloth last year was freaking ridiculous.  How to Build a Cider Press

-It was mother F*CKING hot hot hot this week but we survived, and without ac. Too Much Time in Air-Conditioning Is Warping Your Ability to Handle Heat

-I used to get so sick when reading in the car (and sometime still do) Reading Makes You Carsick Because Your Brain Thinks It’s Being Poisoned

-No a watermelon won't grow in you stomach if you eat the seeds (it would be cool it did) Is It OK to Eat Watermelon Seeds?

-Love love love this house

-The Mystery Of Why Sunflowers Turn To Follow The Sun

-Blow your mind. There’s No Such Thing As a ‘Superfood’

-So doing this when we finish the house....WOVEN MACRAMÉ CHAIR TUTORIAL.

-Lovely. New Ocean Reefs Comprised of Rolled Paper

And some pictures.

Washer

Washer Stem. October 30, 2005- July 24, 2016

I am a pretty trashed person right now.  2 weeks ago our puppy dog, Washer, died.

Yeah, you can kick me in the stomach, I am sure it would feel better then this.

First question everyone asks "What happened?" Long story short, for some reason, whether it was something he ate or just from playing way to hard,  his stomach flipped inside of him, twisted, then died. There was the animal hospital and surgery and it all happened so fast.... blah, it's still pretty hard to think and talk about. But yeah, he went from being good and healthy to not within hours and the vets did what they could, but they just couldn't save him.

How am I doing? Honestly, I am not great but am starting to come out of the hole a bit. For a while there I just feel apart. Washer wasn't a pet to us, he was pretty much our life, my life.  Just about every single thing we did, we did together. All of our decisions, from the smallest things like day to day activities to buying a house revolved around him. (we would have never bought a house that didn't have a giant yard for him). He went to work with us, on all errands, (he loved a good car ride) family events, everything.  I think the only places that he never went was to the gym with me and into the grocery store (the mr and him would wait in the car). I can count on both hands the times over his life that we have left him with other people. Washer was our family...is our family and his absence has been overwhelming.

And yes, he was a dog, but he was more then that to me. He was my soul mate, my best friend, my baby. I spent more time talking or just hanging with him then anybody else. We experienced the world together and he showed me things in life that I otherwise might have never seen. Countless sunrise walks. So many sunsets. All the early mornings in winter when the world is perfectly still, the moon is out, and the snow is falling. All of the outdoors, countless hikes, endless swims.(he could swim forever) He took us out into the world, even when we wanted nothing more then to hide away.

He was all unconditional love and unabashed happiness. And he could totally be a complete ass, but he knew it and always felt guilty afterwards (you could tell cause he looked atyou with the sad eyes) He gave so much and never wanted anything from us other then love, well, and food.

And now I am trying to figure out how to be without him. Waking up in the morning, I still find myself looking for him. When I walk out the front door, I still reach for his leash and a poop bag.  And that feeling like I need to get home to my pup, like he is waiting for me,  it hasn't gone away. I still wake up every morning and go for a walk and the mr and I still go for a walk every day after dinner. We pick him flowers and talk about about all the amazing and stupid things he used to do and how much he did for us. It is crazy looking back at our life over the past 11 years and knowing he was part of almost every moment.

So yeah, I am kinda feeling lost right now. I miss him more then I could ever imagine. I know he lived a freaking fantastic, healthy, and long life, and for that I can take a little comfort. But man, I was not ready for him to go.  I guess I never would have been. ( I secretly thought he would live forever, or at least another 50 or so years)

He is one of the greatest loves of my life and I am so fucking lucky to be able to say that.

The best dog that ever was (for us), even when he was being a jerk face.

Love you forever puppy.

Sunday Happy

Short of the long... I am trashed. We just got back from a 6 1/2 hour drive from the Poconos where I now have a sweet ass new summertime home in the woods (actually not mine, but my dad just bought a house and moved there so it's pretty much mine..haha)  Summer fun time all the time long. A short few days for an initial, get to know the place and see the new house, go hiking, biking, more hiking, and basically run around and play with the dogs and the neighborhood deer, visit. It was an all out exhausting, amazing time. (I would tell you more about it, but right now my mind is mush I I am surprised Ian even type right now)  So now we are back home to maybe get a few hours of sleep and then back to the house for few hours of work. Got to get ready for the boom truck of a million pieces of sheet rock that are coming in the morning!

Now I am really, really freaking tired and need to like, for real, sleep for a bit before I keel over. Oh thanks the world for coffee cause today is going to be a couple pot of coffee kind of day. Wish me luck.

Some stuff the from the early week internet browsing.

-Not sure if I would want to stick my head in a one after all the other people have. Levitating Clouds Provide a Dreamlike Resting Place During the Festival des Architectures Vives

-I think we could be best friends. Meet a Woman Who Keeps 500 Plants in Her Brooklyn Apartment

-How to Keep Berries Fresh for Longer

-So into these Origami Bird Lights.

-I have got to try and make this mozzarella aquafaba cheese

-It's that time of year again. Canning here we come! Making Fruit Jelly Using Apples for Pectin

-A coloring cook book. Brilliant.

And a few pictures from the past few days.

Have a restful day!

-C

Sunday Happy

We are moving into the house!!! Oh wait, no we are not, at least not for real, but we are thinking about setting up the tent and sleeping in the yard for a while. It's summer and it's been so freaking hot and why the hell not right?

And to prolong our move in date some more, the mr and I have decided to re-floor the entire downstairs. HA! We figured we kinda wanted to but weren't really sure if we should. And so we said screw it, lets just do it now and get it over with. So keep that in mind if you offer to help cause we might just take you up on it.

Other then house stuff, the week has been full of all the little littles, birthday parties, flowers, and tomatoes! The farm started dishing out the fattest, juiciest, most lovely tomatoes. I have found myself on a few occasions devouring whole tomatoes by accident, like i look at them and just need to eat them. (they take away my will power) Thinking I might have to make a cake with a few of the this week (if i don't eat them all) and frost them all twirly, whirly sparkly like the cupcakes that I made this week, (they looked so awesome)  I think the mr would like that.

But for today, no baking. I would actually like to stay away from anything that creates heat (besides coffee) because it is finally not so hot and humid and my brain needs time to reform from the melt. We will probably just go floor shopping (blah) but that way I can ride with windows down and my head sticking out of the window like a dog. Fun fun.

Some stuff on the internet that isn't about pokemon (I still don't quite get it...)

-Slice, Dice, Chop Or Julienne: Does The Cut Change The Flavor?

-I want to turn a really old industrial building into a house.

-Nineteen of Roald Dahl’s Most Important Food Inventions

-This is one bad ass Nike ad. India's first Nike ad is gorgeous, sweaty, intimidating, and totally inspiring

-And this..A Modern Day "Green Acres": Family Home with Rustic Mid-C Trailers, Yurts & Cute Critters.. So cool. I oculd totally see doing something like this for the family. A compound of yurts. Ha

 -Living Room Hammocks & Hanging Chairs.. Huh, thinking I might be needing one.

-Crazy, beautiful. OSSA: The Unwilling Dance Performance of a Deconstructed Puppet

- Not fair. Forget Beanbag Chairs. Amazon Is Giving Its Workers Treehouses.

-In love with these pieces from Henry Street Studio

-Whoa, that's a lot of people. PHOTOS: For #WorldPopulationDay, How Earth's 7 Billion Live

And some pictures from life this week.

Enjoy the day.

-C