Sunday Happy

Not going to lie. Today is a hard day. It's Sean's birthday... He would be 27.

Thump thump (that's my head hitting a wall)

I am not at the point yet where I think of Sean and am not sad because well, I am sad all the time. But I really want to get there, where when I think of him, it makes me happy, or well, more happy then sad. I know it's going to take time (I just have to say that I hate how everyone says it just takes time. No shit) and that I will get there someday.  But today, I am, for him and for me, try spending today thinking about all the good times and not be so sad. 

So yeah, going to spend 1/2 the day doing some work (keeps the mind at bay) and the other half with the family. They are grilling up hot dogs while I eat lettuce by the head, and we are just going celebrate Sean the way we celebrate everything in our family. Together with food. We will sit around, talking about everything and nothing, let the littles run around , let the dogs run wild, and just be. The is sun is shinning, the world is warm, and the family will be surrounded by each other. (like everyday for the past two weeks.. so much family time) And of course Sean will be the center of attention, not there physically, but in all the spirit.

And as for taking the day to chill, I am postponing my day of nothing until tomorrow and locking my door on the world. I love my family oh so much but if I don't take a day to myself... I might bite someones head off.

Anyway.  Got some stuff from the good old internet that happen to be of some interest to me.

-Did you know it's National Park Week.. National parks are the best so you should go get your butt to the closest one, it's free! (Bring a picnic and some hiking boots)

- This coloring book needs to happen.

- I feel in love with these photos that a mom took of her kids.  They are amazing

-Screw GI Joes, if you want plastic action figures get these. Yoga Joes

-House love.

-Ever wonder how museums keep their art collections clean? Check this guy out cleaning a Pollack.    There is no way I could do anything close to that, I would loss my shit.

-I will be looking for this book next time I am at the library (for the littles of course) 'Can I Eat That?' a Whimsical New Children's Book

-Tree houses in house plants.. two of my favorite things together in one.

-What Do Recyclable, Biodegradable & Compostable Really Mean?

-This is just one reason I avoid eating out.. I am paranoid, and for good reason... 'Farm To Fable'? Tampa Probe Finds Many Restaurants Lie About Sourcing

Some new pictures from the past week.

Hope everyone is having a great day and enjoying life.

Happy Birthday Sean, Love you!

-C

Little Brother

Sean Tyler Stem. April 17, 1989- March 29, 2016

 About a week and a half ago my little brother passed away of a drug overdose. Mother Fucker, fuck fucker fuck.

I am okay. I might not be in the best head space being that I am so fucking sad and feel wounded, but okay. . Everything just feels so weird. It's like a part of me is missing but at the same time it still doesn't seem real. So yeah. Fuck fuck fuck. (apparently I swear A LOT when I am sad)

I want people to know about Sean and what and why it happened, but at the same time I kinda don't want to talk about it yet. It's still really raw. Also I am not the greatest with emotions and right now I am still processing and feeling and just being. But I do want people to know that Sean may have had his problems but he was such amazing, kind, sometimes a cocky, but such a talented person. He was so full of the brightest light, laughter, generosity and so so much love.  He really was a great person (and I am not just saying that cause he is dead) A person that I am so blessed and lucky to get to call my little brother. He made everyone smile, even when you didn't feel like it. Every person that came into his life are greater for having had him here. 

The rest of the family is doing. It's so weird being together as a family without one of us, it seems so off because wealways do everything together and I keep getting that weird feeling that I am waiting for his ass to show up (he was always late for everything). Oh man, it's a hurt that will not quit.  So yeah, we have been spending all of our time together (so much togetherness it's kinda sick). We laugh and cry and get angry and are sad, and go for walks and eat (well they eat. People keep bringing food, all meat pasta dishes so I am just nibbling on carrots... FYI people, sad people eat veggies too!) It's been rough, but we have so much love for each other, the same sick sense of humor (the things we have been saying...and he can't talk back. HA!)  and are so close.  We truly are so lucky to have each other. (even if we are driving each other crazy)

And Life, gots to keep doing it.  So I am going to start trying to get a little consistency back into mine this week, start working on the house again, catch up on bills and paperwork, and clean the sheets on my bed. (it's been 2 weeks.. gross)  Also going to try and do a post or two... I miss it and the kitchen is my therapy.

I miss my little brother. He was such a shit, a good shit, but a shit no less. But just because he is dead doesn't mean he doesn't exist. He will always exist.

-C

Here is the obituary of Sean T Stem written by my sister Shannon with the help of her friend Hilary.

[Above photo was taken off of his facebook page. It's one of my favorites.]